Joseph Campbell said “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Before heroes are able to rely on their strengths – intellectually, physically, and emotionally -- they must make the journey - the adventure - to discover their authentic selves. This begins in their ordinary world with them being completely unaware of their hero potential, believing that they are the weird kid or that something is wrong with them. Then something happens in their life – oh, let’s say puberty or just growing up – and they are called to their adventure.
Our youngest daughter is fifteen years old. When she was born, the hospital checked the box for male on her birth certificate and so that is how we knew her. As a boy. Prior to her reaching puberty, she was living a normal kid’s life, enjoying her advanced classes at school, participating in science and engineering camps, creating art, and learning to play jazz on the trombone; however, once she hit puberty, we noticed her grades slipping and she started to complain that she was having difficulty connecting with her peers.
She then told us that she was a girl and had known this to be true since she was in third grade. Why didn’t she tell us before? Well, like many heroes, she didn’t want to believe it. She said that she kept trying to push her girl identity aside, but it continued to poke its pretty little head into hers. When she told me and my husband this news, it was our call to adventure. And like many parents before they become heroes, we found ourselves denying the truth thinking that maybe this was just a phase. But she remained persistent in her need to express herself as a girl and we, too, had to cross over that threshold into our own hero’s world. (Campbell also said “We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”)
The day that my husband and I made it clear to her that we would support her and help her discover her true self, a weight was lifted from her and her light began to shine again.
All heroes get push back from their enemies and need a little help from their allies. Our hero started high school this year and attends the same public school where I teach. In middle school, she experienced some bullying which could have caused her great distress, but fortunately, she received a lot of support from her teachers, administrators, and peers who happily used her preferred name and pronouns.
We live in a fairly conservative area so I was in awe when I discovered that her teachers were showing her unconditional love and support in the classroom. They did this without being asked. They did this because they truly care for their students. They did this because they are good people and it was the right thing to do. By affirming our daughter, they helped her build the much-needed resilience that she will need to fend off the enemies that come in the form of words, attitudes, and discrimination. This makes her teachers heroes, too.
We are moving forward as a family and supporting our daughter, each of us on our own hero’s journey. Transitioning is a long and slow process and can be painful at times. Having to live her daily life in a biologically male body while knowing she is female creates stress and frustration. It can also be joyous. We filed a petition with the court for a legal name change and it was finalized on September 5 of this year.
There are many obstacles that she will face and she will overcome them. At some point, she will have to face her greatest fear, but when she does, she will find her greatest reward. She will be able to do so because she thrives on the support provided by family, family friends, friends at school, teachers, and by her own self-love. She is a hero within a pack of heroes.
Like all kids, transgender kids want to feel accepted and have a sense of belonging. No special treatment – just acceptance. We long for the day when her ordinary world and hero world merge as one – a world where she doesn’t have to navigate day to day with kids and adults talking behind her back or the stares from people in public who don’t understand her. A world where she can just live and be.
Our youngest daughter is fifteen years old. When she was born, the hospital checked the box for male on her birth certificate and so that is how we knew her. As a boy. Prior to her reaching puberty, she was living a normal kid’s life, enjoying her advanced classes at school, participating in science and engineering camps, creating art, and learning to play jazz on the trombone; however, once she hit puberty, we noticed her grades slipping and she started to complain that she was having difficulty connecting with her peers.
She then told us that she was a girl and had known this to be true since she was in third grade. Why didn’t she tell us before? Well, like many heroes, she didn’t want to believe it. She said that she kept trying to push her girl identity aside, but it continued to poke its pretty little head into hers. When she told me and my husband this news, it was our call to adventure. And like many parents before they become heroes, we found ourselves denying the truth thinking that maybe this was just a phase. But she remained persistent in her need to express herself as a girl and we, too, had to cross over that threshold into our own hero’s world. (Campbell also said “We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”)
The day that my husband and I made it clear to her that we would support her and help her discover her true self, a weight was lifted from her and her light began to shine again.
All heroes get push back from their enemies and need a little help from their allies. Our hero started high school this year and attends the same public school where I teach. In middle school, she experienced some bullying which could have caused her great distress, but fortunately, she received a lot of support from her teachers, administrators, and peers who happily used her preferred name and pronouns.
We live in a fairly conservative area so I was in awe when I discovered that her teachers were showing her unconditional love and support in the classroom. They did this without being asked. They did this because they truly care for their students. They did this because they are good people and it was the right thing to do. By affirming our daughter, they helped her build the much-needed resilience that she will need to fend off the enemies that come in the form of words, attitudes, and discrimination. This makes her teachers heroes, too.
We are moving forward as a family and supporting our daughter, each of us on our own hero’s journey. Transitioning is a long and slow process and can be painful at times. Having to live her daily life in a biologically male body while knowing she is female creates stress and frustration. It can also be joyous. We filed a petition with the court for a legal name change and it was finalized on September 5 of this year.
There are many obstacles that she will face and she will overcome them. At some point, she will have to face her greatest fear, but when she does, she will find her greatest reward. She will be able to do so because she thrives on the support provided by family, family friends, friends at school, teachers, and by her own self-love. She is a hero within a pack of heroes.
Like all kids, transgender kids want to feel accepted and have a sense of belonging. No special treatment – just acceptance. We long for the day when her ordinary world and hero world merge as one – a world where she doesn’t have to navigate day to day with kids and adults talking behind her back or the stares from people in public who don’t understand her. A world where she can just live and be.
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